What the hell?

Currently taking a much needed mini vacation with my family.  We didn't go far and didn't go to anywhere exotic.  Just got a hotel in a nice city, doing some shopping and a little site seeing.  I for one needed to get away.  I have been too obsessed with work.

Something strange and cool is happening to me...
for the first time--
ever--
I--
like--
myself.
That's right, I do.  In fact I think I'm pretty cool.  So how about that?  I think I'm smart, creative, and interesting.  Oh well, better late than never.

When a codependant is not codependant

This past month was spent working with a slimmed down number of staff.  
IT


WAS


AWESOME.


The most significant members of the missing staff were, of course the ones who make me feel like an incompetent child.
So without them, I was brilliant.
BRILLIANT!
So, apparently, when I am not constantly keeping up my defenses, I have more energy for creativity, organization, and just plain kicking ass.  

fluoxetine and me part 3

Ok, been taking it for awhile now.  I know it is probably not the best med for me but I think I need something.  A LOT of it is psychological, because I feel better immediately after taking it.


But, OH, COFFEE!!  I love thee sooo, but, alas, thee fucks with my system...

Even if you demand love from a limited number of people, you cannot usually win the approval of all of them. Some, because of their own limitations, will have little ability to love anyone. Others will disapprove of you for reasons entirely beyond your control. Still others will despise you forever because of some prejudice against you.

oh boy, guess what else I am!

Well I'm reading about CODEPENDANCY!!  Hooray, I am that, I am, I am, I am.

Here is a great link:   http://www.coda.org/tools4recovery/patterns2.htm
Everything here is copy-rited so I won't do what I want to do which is cut, paste and highlight stuff.   Well, I am printing it out for my own use.

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependency:  I'm all here, Every bit of it is me, except for most of the "control" section.

Is this surprising?  Heck no.  My mom was/is codependent in her loyalty of my step-father.  I was abused in several different environments by several different male figures in my life.  Who wouldn't be codependent after that.

What's embarassing is that I exhibit signs at work.  I know I'm not well liked by most at worked.  I can see why, I must be annoying as hell.

Work, Work, Work

Ok, probably can add OCD to my list of fabulous personality traits that make me ME.

Anyway, summer is here and I have a bit of a break.  Problem is that I have a million and one things I want to do and a very short time to do them.  For one thing, my job position has changed and I have a brand new opportunity to create, learn and teach.  I love doing all those things...but I can't neglect my family in the process, can I?  I have valuable time with my kids.  But what do I do with them?  Just being with them is alot, I know.  They are getting older, but they all need me.