Gah frigging damn it (I'm not that religious but I don't like taking other people's Lord in vain).

(no)

This thing with my boss

 is going to drive me batty.

Here is the straight story--I'm going to get it out--I'm not going to sugar coat it--it's going to hurt.

Ok, so boss notifies me that I have a visitor.  This visitor needs assistance.  

Back-story:  the area in which she needs assistance is my "area," my ongoing "project."  My boss has given me this responsibility and has given me free reign to run the project with little interference from her or anyone.

Back to the visitor.  My boss and I go to meet the visitor.  The visitor is new to us and new to my project.  My boss and I commence our normal banter which explains our program and welcomes our visitor.  

The visitor needs explanation of a procedure.  
The procedure has been created by me.  

There is a sign explaining the procedure and I make reference to the sign and "tease" my boss and make a comment implying that she doesn't know the procedure even though it is posted (where it is posted is pretty obscure).  The whole area we are in is my area, not frequented by my boss.  In fact, none of the other 30 or so employees know the area and so would also refer to me under similar circumstances. 
I tease my boss?  
Do I tease her or do I actually-- 
undermine her, 
ridicule her, 
disrespect her in front of a representative of another community program.  
Is that what I did?  
oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

Stuff I gotta do after watching 10 twenty-minute "Ted Talks"

1--Raise my arms above my head while clenching my fists.

2--Put my hands on my hips and spread my feet apart when talking to people.
3--Tell people how much I appreciate them.
4--Go outside more.

5--Move around more.

Seems like there was more...
No, there was nothing like "spend more time with your kids" because that will come if you actually do this other stuff...
Wait, I thought of another one-

6--Give your brain a break and meditate for 10 minutes a day.

Ramblings of obsessive me

Tired of being tired of being tired of this crap about--let's face it--my--yes--my--mother.

My Mother!

Stupid boss.  Has it really been five years.  Five years?

Well this post is supposed to be an outlet that lets out the flow of conflict in my head and allows me to be rational again.  Pull the plug already!

Pull it.  Release.  It's not releasing.  I guess I can't just force it.  but wait, I can--sometimes I can.

I don't know how to solve this conflict I have with my boss whom I place a mother role on--mother role as in I expect things from her.

• approval
• understanding
• guidance
• appreciation
• praise (lot's of praise, so much so that I fantasize in my head that she is praising me as I am doing
  something)

Ok, I've hit something here.  As I do a task, I imagine her watching me do it or finding out soon after that I have done it and heaping on the praise and appreciation.  Not only praise and appreciation  but I want her to rely on me.  I want everyone to rely on me.  I want to be her right hand person.  This is what I want..but somehow I fell I should not want this.  Should not because it is not good for me to be in her shadow.