Ramblings of obsessive me

Tired of being tired of being tired of this crap about--let's face it--my--yes--my--mother.

My Mother!

Stupid boss.  Has it really been five years.  Five years?

Well this post is supposed to be an outlet that lets out the flow of conflict in my head and allows me to be rational again.  Pull the plug already!

Pull it.  Release.  It's not releasing.  I guess I can't just force it.  but wait, I can--sometimes I can.

I don't know how to solve this conflict I have with my boss whom I place a mother role on--mother role as in I expect things from her.

• approval
• understanding
• guidance
• appreciation
• praise (lot's of praise, so much so that I fantasize in my head that she is praising me as I am doing
  something)

Ok, I've hit something here.  As I do a task, I imagine her watching me do it or finding out soon after that I have done it and heaping on the praise and appreciation.  Not only praise and appreciation  but I want her to rely on me.  I want everyone to rely on me.  I want to be her right hand person.  This is what I want..but somehow I fell I should not want this.  Should not because it is not good for me to be in her shadow.