Disaproval

Some will disapprove of me or not like me for reasons entirely beyond my control.  These reasons could be based on ignorant prejudice.  The truth is that I don't need to know what the root cause of the disapproval is.


Am I a child?  Why do I need to concern myself with approval from others?


Regardless of the why, I do concern myself.  It has ruled my actions.  Ruled them to the point where I have lost myself.  It's as if I still live in an environment where approval is vital--which it isn't.


I don't think I went into this job with a problem this great.  I am looking back at my brief experiences in other jobs and I don't think the approval thing was quite this bad.  I think that working in an environment of uneducated, jealous and potentially vengeful people who do not respect and understand the importance of the jobs they have to do--all this has pulled symptoms of my PTSD to the surface.


BUT!!
As I'm writing this, I see that the analysis is flawed, not serving me well.  I am still BLAMING others.  THEY are jealous, THEY are prejudice and uneducated.  Is this rational helpful?  I don't know.