do this or not

I was thinking, should I be posting this stuff on a public blog?  It may still all be part of the validation thing, that I am wishing someone would write back and confirm what I am thinking and going through.  I have journaled for over twenty years.  I have a distinct memory of starting to journal, I was walking alone and thinking to myself, but actually I was thinking to someone?  Who?  Doesn't matter, I was imagining someone listening to my thoughts and this was comforting to me.  Maybe it's loneliness.  I have always journaled with the idea that someone will read it and understand.  I have come to this realization before and cut myself off from journaling.  I don't think this was a good move.  What's so wrong with writing to someone?  Even if an non-existent listener is unrealistic, I'm still getting my thoughts together and processing them.  I feel I have made discoveries and come to understand things through journaling.  Nonetheless, I judge myself and motives as weak and I feel like I'm sort of cheating.  I've come to this realization before and completely removed my ability to journal.  I've thought about doing that again by deleting this blog.  But I don't know what if thinking and processing to a pretend listener isn't so bad, especially if I'm doing some emotional healing at the same time.


I think the problem is the validation.  I want to be free from this need.  I want to be able to validate myself?  Not need validation from others?  DEFINITELY that.  I do not want to need validation or approval from others.  I work on this everyday.  I am trying a daily affirmation dealing with this, but I'm not sure if I'm going about it the best way.  Affirmations need to be positive, not negative.  "I do not need approval" is negative but I don't know how turn it into something positive.